GAMES FOR NARCISSISTIC COUPLES – INTRODUCTION

Narcissistic couples cannot bond adequately because of problems of the self. They generally suffer from low self-esteem and compensate via self-absorption, pride, and grandiosity. They tend to become enraged if their pride is hurt and can get quite nasty to a spouse by whom they feel betrayed. Since they are often “stuck on themselves” (as was the mythological figure Narcissus, after whom this character type is named), they do not feel much empathy for mates, viewing them instead as objects to exploit rather than to love.

There are two basic kinds of narcissistic relationships. One, designated a twinship transference by Heinz Kohut, a psychoanalytic specialist in narcissistic disorders, is an alliance of two grandiose individuals who mutually support each other’s proud and inflated self-perceptions while remaining blind to each other’s delusions. They typically view themselves as a pair of pearls among swine—or (perhaps a bit more graciously) among synthetic pearls. The other kind of narcissistic relationship is called an idealizing transference. Here, a narcissist who feels inferior and needs to idealize somebody attaches himself or herself to a narcissist who feels superior and needs to be idealized. The former hopes that, by coupling with the latter, some of the “superiority” of the idealized object will rub off. The latter hopes to bolster his or her esteem by being the object of idealization.